is a common lament among women that chivalry seems to be a thing of the past, and the scarcity of genuine gentlemen in today’s world is often decried. However, it is essential to understand that the concept of chivalry originated during the medieval period and primarily governed the conduct between warriors.

It is important to note that during this historical period, law and order were limited, and women, in particular, had few rights as they were still considered as property. Meanwhile, traveling minstrels entertained Europe with ballads that romanticized the exploits of chivalrous knights and their often unattainable love interests. These tales, in essence, were fictionalized accounts akin to romance novels, songs, and poems of that era.

What relevance does this history hold in the modern world? The distorted ideas surrounding chivalry have been perpetuated through generations via stories, literature, plays, movies, and television. The collision between this romanticized fantasy and the reality of a modern society where men and women strive for equality leads to the ten reasons why many women struggle to find a true gentleman.

By examining these underlying factors, we can shed light on the challenges faced in the pursuit of genuine gentlemanly qualities in today’s society.

1. The tale of ‘Prince Charming’

Women are often raised with the expectation of finding a prince charming who will sweep them off their feet and take them to a magical land where they will live happily ever after as rich and royal. While this may be a pleasant fantasy, it is completely unrealistic on almost every level and beyond the means of 99.99% of men on the planet. However, movies, TV shows, and books continue to sell this plot line relentlessly because it is what women want. When reality falls short of this fantasy, some women become bitter, especially when they fall for manipulative narcissists who pretend to be Prince Charming, only to use and discard them.

2. The idea that women need rescuing

In contrast, men are often expected to be ready to come to a woman’s aid in any situation, only to be relegated to the “friend zone.” It can be frustrating when a man goes out of his way to offer assistance, only to be told, “I can handle it on my own, thank you.”
Over the past five decades, women have been encouraged to see themselves as equals who are capable of doing anything a man can do. If women want chivalry to make a comeback, they need to actively promote it. Men already understand that women are their equals.

3. The pay-to-Play fallacy

The tradition of a gentleman paying for the date remains intact, unless a woman explicitly takes the initiative to treat the man, which should be agreed upon beforehand. Generally, it is expected that the man will cover all expenses during the date, without any hesitation. Whether it’s dinner, dancing, or a movie, the gentleman takes care of it all. Through their experience in the dating scene, gentlemen can distinguish between women genuinely interested in a meaningful connection and those seeking to exploit men to support their lifestyles, which unfortunately seems prevalent nowadays.

With the rise of dating apps, a woman in a reasonably sized city has the potential to secure a date every night of the week, resulting in hundreds of dollars’ worth of free meals and entertainment. However, a gentleman is not oblivious to such patterns. Consequently, these women are left with men who exhibit the same shallowness, materialism, and self-centeredness, leading them to lament the apparent demise of chivalry. Yet, chivalry is far from dead. However, a true gentleman will not fall prey to being taken advantage of. If one desires a genuine gentleman, they must reciprocate with ladylike behavior. Being sincere, gracious, and honest about one’s intentions for the date is crucial.

4. Holding out for “the one”

The notion of finding “the one” can lead to unrealistic expectations and unfair judgments. With over eight billion people on the planet, it’s highly improbable that your perfect match is coincidentally slinging noodles in Shanghai or attending the same gym as you. Relying on a fantasy version of Mr. Perfect to measure all men against is an exercise in futility. No one can live up to the idealized image of “THE ONE” that exists solely in your imagination, which means the men you date will inevitably fall short of these unrealistic expectations. It’s important to remember that perfection is an unattainable standard, not only for others but also for yourself.

5. Putting financial security ahead of love.

There’s a common notion that women aspire to marry individuals in high-paying professions like doctors or lawyers. However, it’s worth considering the practical realities of such careers. Doctors and lawyers often dedicate significant time and effort to their jobs, resulting in demanding schedules that leave little room for personal relationships and fulfilling your needs. While they may shower you with material possessions like jewelry, clothes, or cars, you may still find yourself feeling incredibly lonely.

Perhaps it’s worth reflecting on those moments when a kind-hearted history teacher offered you his coat on a cold night. Although choosing a different path might mean facing some financial challenges, it could have led you to a genuine gentleman who prioritized your happiness. While financial security is important, true fulfillment and companionship cannot be solely measured by material wealth.

6. Immature male behaviors

It’s common for women to desire a partner who comes from a wealthy family. However, the issue with such men is that they never had to earn their own way in life. They were given every advantage, from the best education to luxurious cars, and every whim catered to them while their parents built their fortune. As a result, they lack the appreciation for the value of things that come from hard work, struggle, and effort.

Furthermore, they tend to view their partners as mere trophies, to be collected and then discarded when they no longer serve their purpose. Women can expect to be replaced by a younger model once they become mothers and lose their youthful looks. To these men, women are no different than their cars, just another possession to be traded in for a newer model.

7. The Beauty who looks for her Beast

The essence of a person doesn’t usually change. If someone behaves like a monster, it is because they have a monstrous nature that is unlikely to change. No one should have to tolerate real-life situations of violence, yelling, abuse, and rage, even though they may seem acceptable in a movie.

Find someone who is gentle with you and treats you like the lady you are. Don’t expect a beast to be anything but a beast.

8. Expecting other people to change

Searching for the right partner may require dating many people before finding a suitable match, but it’s important not to go into a relationship with the expectation that a person will change. Although people may change over time, it’s unrealistic to expect a man to transform into someone he’s not just because you have feelings for him. True compatibility involves finding someone who already possesses the qualities you are seeking, rather than hoping they will develop them later.

9. The Tarzan fallacy

The notion of taking someone out of their natural environment, be it the untamed wilderness or the urban jungle, and attempting to civilize them may seem appealing. However, it’s crucial to recognize that their wild essence will always remain within them. If you desire a partner who is not akin to a wild animal swinging from vines and wrestling gorillas, it’s important to reflect on your motives for wanting to change them. Are you seeking to mold them to fit into your world and meet your needs? Or do you believe you can refine their rough edges? It’s essential to enter a relationship with realistic expectations and acknowledge that attempting to transform someone into someone they are not is unrealistic. Either embrace them for who they are or reconsider your compatibility.

10. Looking at the book without opening it

If you desire a gentleman, that’s wonderful. However, it’s important to keep an open mind because he may not fit your preconceived notions. He might be physically imposing, gruff, and initially intimidating, but surprisingly, he could turn out to be the most tender, caring, and affectionate man you’ve ever encountered. Don’t judge someone solely by their appearance; true gentlemen can be found in unexpected places. Like ogres and onions, gentlemen have layers that are worth exploring to discover their genuine nature.