In a good relationship, your partner should make you feel secure, valued, appreciated, and loved. However, if you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, these positive feelings can quickly turn negative. Being a victim of narcissistic gaslighting can cause feelings of insecurity, instability, and fear. This type of emotional abuse can be difficult to detect, and it’s more common than you might think. According to a report by research group YouGov, one-third of females surveyed had been called derogatory names by a romantic partner in the past. Gaslighting, as an example of emotional abuse, can be confusing when it comes from someone you love, and it’s even more complicated when the abuser is a narcissist.
Licensed psychologist Dr. Stevie Stanford says that narcissistic gaslighting in a partner can be tricky to identify, especially when it’s hidden under a charismatic and charming personality. It’s essential to understand what narcissistic gaslighting looks like because it’s a manipulative tactic used to confuse and mislead someone for personal gain. If you’re experiencing emotional abuse, the first and most crucial step is to separate yourself from the relationship to start your healing process. However, recognizing the abuse can be challenging. In this article, Dr. Stanford shares five common signs of narcissistic gaslighting to help you identify it.
Experiencing emotional abuse in a relationship can make it difficult to see things clearly. When a narcissist uses gaslighting tactics, they can gradually erode your ability to distinguish reality from what they want you to believe for their own purposes.
Licensed psychologist Dr. Stevie Stanford explains that we all have an intuitive sense that alerts us when something is wrong. It could be a feeling of being watched or sensing that something is not quite right. However, when we’ve gone through trauma, especially relational or attachment trauma, we may lose trust in our gut instinct. Consequently, we no longer have a reliable guide to distinguish what is true from what is a lie, especially when someone is manipulating us for their own benefit.
In instances of domestic violence, including emotional abuse, the abusive partner often manipulates the victim into relying solely on them for support. According to Dr. Stevie Stanford, the narcissistic gaslighter demonizes people close to you that you trust. They may convince you that your loved ones are a threat to you, or they may use tactics to control and isolate you from them, such as financial abuse. One significant indication of narcissistic gaslighting is when your partner tries to keep you isolated within the relationship.
Trusting your partner and feeling that they will validate your truth is a natural and desirable aspect of any relationship. However, with a narcissistic gaslighter, Dr. Stevie Stanford explains that you may begin to doubt yourself and question your sense of self because they will use any means necessary to make you feel “crazy” and undermine your perception and instincts.
Dr. Stanford explains that in other forms of abuse, it is clear who and what is safe. However, when you are being gaslit, you lose trust in yourself, and it becomes difficult to rely on your intuition to determine what is safe or not. As a result, your ability to recognize their abusive or dangerous behavior is hampered because they will make you feel like an unreliable narrator in your own life.
When a partner uses narcissistic gaslighting, they may use trauma bonding to make their victim stay in the relationship. According to Dr. Stanford, this can happen when the abusive partner makes the victim feel like their relationship is special and others wouldn’t understand. This can lead to the victim excusing or minimizing abusive behavior, or hiding it from others to avoid embarrassment or judgment. Dr. Stanford also notes that victims may feel ashamed to discuss incidents or situations that have occurred, even when they recognize that they are being emotionally abused.
Stanford notes that in cases of narcissistic gaslighting, it is common for the abusive partner to be so persuasive that you begin to rationalize the lies they tell you in an attempt to make sense of the situation. The partner may be highly intelligent, charming, and determined to get what they want, making it challenging to recognize when you are being gaslit. If you are deeply in love with a narcissistic partner, it can be difficult to see their behavior for what it is, and your ability to identify their deception and abuse may be compromised.
Finnaly, Stanford recommends seeking help from a mental health professional or trusted loved one if you identify signs of narcissistic gaslighting in your relationship. Seeking support and removing oneself from the situation is crucial. With the right support system and motivation, there is hope for healing and a better future.
Expert: Dr. Stevie Stanford, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist
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